Hurry: The beginning of the recallment procedure to your vehicle control mechanism must be done with haste or else vehicle crash can occur.

The following is an actual car recall letter from the 80s. The late, great Professors Frank Kinahan and Michael Williams gave it to me during their amazing class "The Little Red Schoolhouse," their method of improving style and clarity. Obviously this letter's the Goofus version. The Gallant goes something like this: "You need to get to a car mechanic to fix two problems. If you don't, you could crash and die."

A defect which involves the possible failure of a frame support plate may exist on your vehicle. This plate (front suspension pivot bar support plate) connects a portion of the front suspension to the vehicle frame, and its failure could affect vehicle directional control, particularly during heavy brake application. In addition, your vehicle may require adjustment service to the hood secondary catch system. The secondary catch may be misaligned, so that the hood may not be adequately restrained to prevent hood fly-up in the event the primary catch is inadvertently left unengaged. Sudden hood fly-up beyond the secondary catch while driving could impair driver visibility. In certain circumstances, occurrence of either of the above conditions could result in vehicle crash without prior warning.

And we wonder why General Motors is going out of business...